I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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