Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
