We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
