we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
