you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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