its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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