you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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