i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
