Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
