i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
