I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
