i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
