The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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