So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
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