How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
