To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
