I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
