Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
