We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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