My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
