What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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