Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
