i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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