You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
