she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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