Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
