Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
