I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
