It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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