It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
