Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
