Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
