I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize