I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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