Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
nutella sex= disaster
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
