Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
