Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
