Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
