Sponge bath it is.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize