I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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