I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
