Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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