Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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