I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Vodka?
Forever.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize