It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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