the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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