you traded sex for a burrito?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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