That's intense
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
