i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
