I'm going to jail i love you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
