i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
