forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I had to cum in my sink.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize