how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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