Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
