Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
