She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
