TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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