I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
