i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
