i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
