Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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