he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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