allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
