I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
