hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
