sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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