maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
