It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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