What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
