So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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