it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
