Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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