i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
