a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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