she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
