did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize