Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
