cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
