He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Your dad touched me again.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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