I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
