just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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