i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
