after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
