There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
