make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
