I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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