Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
