moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize