So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
