I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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