I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize