Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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