For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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