Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
