He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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