Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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