Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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