Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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