Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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