that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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