I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
