this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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