jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
