So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize