hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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