How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
