Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
