new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
