Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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