He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
