I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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