also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
