if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
