I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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