Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
