My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
