dude i'm inner monologue high
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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