I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
